Character Sub. for Raisho

[dragonreborn]

General

Username: DragonReborn

Character Name: Raisho Corinth

Character Age: 23

Race of Character: Half Elf

Side [Empire/Varden/Neutral]: Neutral

Physical Description

Clothing: Raisho wears dark grey breeches tucked into knee high boots that are covered in bandages so they don't scuff and at the top of his boots there is a fold over. He wears a long red coat with a popped collar on top of his white sleeveless shirt. He wears the shirt loose so it doesn't restrict his movements. His red coat is more like a dark red not blood red but not mahogany just in between. Lastly he wears a black cloak that doesn't form his shape because it hangs down off his broad shoulders. His cloak isn't the cloudy black most people have it's pitch black. He also wears many belts with cloth under them so they don't chafe into his skin. A couple around his waist and across his chest. Raisho wears guantlets that cover the back of his hand but is flexible enough that he can fight without it crippling his joints. He also wears a ruby ring which is his family heirloom. The ring only has a regular sized ruby but when you look into it it looks like a pool of blood thats unimaginably deep. All of his clothes are finely made but travel worn so they dont have that look anymore.

General Description: His hair is short, colored brownish reddish and his eyes are grey. When his eyes are in the sunlight they look blueish and when they are in the dark they look greenish but mostly they look cloudy grey. Raisho uses his eyes to stare people down so they look away and few people can look inot his eyes for long. His height is above average standing at 6'2. He is broad shouldered and well built. He isn't buff but he's still muscular.

Weapons Carried: Raisho uses a broadsword tinted black. It has no guard so it's just the handle and then the blade, nothing in between. It's sheath is bound in red cloth with white stripes. His other weapon is a hand and a half sword tinted red but the tip of the sword is slightly curved. Its sheath is tinted black wrapped in black cloth with white stripes. His broadsword he wears on his back and the hand and a half sword belted on the right side of his waist because he is left handed. Lastly he has a small dagger that he wears around his neck as a last resort. The dagger is very well crafted with a desgin imprinted on the flat of the blade. It looks somewhat like a hawk spreading its wings but if you look at it another way it looks like a human dancing.

Skills and Weaknesses

Preferred Weapon: various swords and daggers

Weapon Skills: swordsmanship and hand to hand combat

Other Skills: He's a fair magic user but very good in mind blocking.

Weaknesses: Has a tendency to care for all things injured. Keeps to himself so he refuses to except help from anyone. Trouble seems to always find him. He stands out of the crowd because of his height though he tries to hide himself by sticking to the shadows. Raisho doesn't care if he takes jobs from Empire or Varden to recieve money so many people hate him for not choosing sides.

Other

Personality: Very quiet and keeps to himself. He instictively acts defensive. For example if someone walks up behind him he would press a dagger to their throat or if someone tries to speak with him he automatically snaps back and acts crule. Only thinks of the logical things. Raisho isn't bothered by the fact that he kills and injures people. He prefers to be left alone and when people do talk to him he acts rude and cruel to drive them away. He doesn't rely on anybody and wont take help. Raisho doesn't trust anyone but when he does he softens and shows he is very kind hearted. He has a tendency to take in injured animals or crippled animals.

Any other details: Raisho took in a female golden hawk for a familiar named Sikkia. She is large for her species and when she flies her feathers glisten in the light. She is very faithful to Raisho. She is always perched on his shoulder and acts as a second pair of eyes to gaurd his back. She has deep golden eyes that are strikingly beautiful.

[Vrael Edoc'sil]

Alright, overall you have a good character. I think you could really make something of Siete. Alright, but i do have some critique. First of all, you need to give a tad bit more. Go in depth as much as you can. With their general appearance for instance, give us more. Use similies and metaphors (his eyes were great navy nebula which seem to have just exploded in the great heavens)

Next, try to get more description about their clothing. Get really in depth with this. You can describe a white t-shirt with 3 or more sentences, so what not have a whole paragraph on even an elaborate shirt that your character wears. You can describe the material used to make the shirt, what color the shirt is, how big the shirt is, how your character wears the clothing, what designs are on the clothing, and much much more.

Also, later on, you should try to get some more complete sentences. Try to refrain from using lists or incomplete sentences. I don't like them, and it isn't a true definition of what your character is. For weapons, you should go into describing the weapons.

Finally, for your personality, try to go and find an actual personality. You can even try googling Personalty types. You should be trying to base your personality off of personalities like my own. It's something like NFJI or something... But it means the Counselor Idealist. Just base your character's personality off of that, and you'll gets omething great.

Just try to work on your character a bit, and we'll see what happens next.

[dragonreborn]

How do you like my detail now? oh and his personality is based off of someone already i just put it in more detail. one more thing. is this accepted?

[dragonreborn]

is my chracter accepted?

[Vrael Edoc'sil]

This is very good. Much better than what you had before. Alright, the only thing I see is that on the Preferred Weapons and Weapon Skills, you neded at least a complete sentence there. So just fix that little thing. Other than that, your character is certainly accepted. I'll go and edit your info.