Ninde Nolari

[Vrael Edoc'sil]

Well first I must start off with the fact that young elves are extremely rare. Unfortunately I can't accept that age, because your character wouldn't be much use because of how young and immature that age is compared to most elves.

Also, perhaps you can explain why she wears different clothes on full moons. Perhaps she was always taught a ritual that it was honoring the moon in some way. But that would be hard when elves are pretty much Atheist. Also, elves are strong, but not at that age, so yea, a bow and arrow doesn't suit your character's age.

Also, try to use similes and metaphors more when you're writing this Bio. Ex: She had honey eyes that shimmered like golden spheres that would make even a bear hunger for their sweetness and love.

Again, the age is a big issue, so you'll need to change that as even normal 12 year olds wouldn't even be able to take on a say, 30 year old warrior.

When you spoke of her fear of black water, don't just put it in parenthesis. Really explain the whole story. It'll give a better understanding of your character and so forth.

Alright, work on these things and then we'll continue from there. But I hope you get the idea that the age is a bit difficult.

[swordandshield]

Again, this time with fixes.

General

Username: swordandshield
Character Name: Ninde Nolari
Character Age: 120
Race of Character: elf, hoping to be a Rider
Side[Empire/Varden/Neutral]: Varden

Physical Description

Clothing: Black boots, with green cloak. Brown pants and shirt, travel worn, and have bite marks on them. Also some rips, she has fine clothing which she hates. So as, to go with her rebellious act, she refuses to wear such things. Other clothes that she wears are white, bright cloak with black pants and shirt. But, on full moons, she wears the complete opposite. The main reason is, because, since she has somewhat morphed into a cat. Her catlike instincts push her to do so, sometimes even agaisnt her own will. People think that it is strange for her to do so; so when their is a full moon outside she goes out into the forest. Even though her cloak is black, elves can still see in the dark. Usualy when she is spotted she comes back at dawn bearing many wounds. Often bruises, and the the reopening of scars. Another reason why she wears such things only on a full moon, is the star on her stomach. Whenever it is a full moon, it turns deathly white.

General Description: Short raven black hair, honey-yellow eyes. Her eyes, too many, seem like pools of honey. They seem sweet and smooth, according to some. Her hair, blends easily into the night. Like her favorite bird the raven. Her body is littered with scars like a battle worn dog. Not a lot of people like her.(they usually challenge her to duels, she wins, but with nasty scars...) She has a star on her stomach, no one knows what it means. She also has a tail and cat ears, she seems more feline-like than others. She doesn't stand oput too much. For she can hid her soft black ears into her raven black hair. When it comes to her tail, it aids her in extreme balance, that far exceeds many. She has complete control over her tail. It can whip around in the air faster than the air itself.

Weapons Carried: Bow and Arrow, and a poison dagger.

Skills and Weaknesses:
Preferred Weapon: Her preferred weapon is the bow-and-arrow because, she can shoot from a reasonable distance.

Weapon Skills: She isn’t that great with the sword, but she hopes to improve this skill. Her poison dagger paralyses the muscles, and the flesh begins to rot from the inside out. The only part that isn’t affected is where you where stabbed.

Other Skills: Knows quite a bit of herbal medicines and poisons. She has a good sense of the ancient language, and has mutated into somewhat of a cat.

Weaknesses: Her biggest weakness is the darkness and black water. For when she was a youngling, she was playing out in the a garden. There was a lot of statues, and plants, and flowers. It was a beautiful place, it seemed to glow, even at night. At one point , they built a well, beautiful, not made of stone, but of the surrouding roots that the plants offered. When the well was complete, there was a huge ceremony, it was agreat succes, and they had found forgotten words of the ancient language. Well, during the ceremony, someone pushed her into the the well. Darkness began to erupt her, as light slowly crubled away. The well seemed endless. Then a splash, she had hit ater, but, she had forgotten speels for this. She tried to climb up the wall, but the roots were wet, and she couldn't cling on them for long. Soon, she fell once more. She had no idea what to do...Then she felt something on hber head. Pushing her down, farther and farther. Ninde was underwater, her lungs seemed to be on fire. No matter how hard she tried. She could not get to the surface. then she saw a light, faint, yet light...That was all she remembered. With more senses, she has tragedy visions, which makes the star on her stomach glow. When this happens she tends to pass out. Usually her tragedy senses are about peopleor animals that die. she is usually in the scene and she can't move. No Matter how hired she tries. They get killed infront of her, and then it goes black. Ninde usually wakes up by now, but sometimes, her memory of thew well comes back. This time she is with someone who is dear to her. SAhe survives and they drown.

Other

Personality: Her personality, is, quite random. Even though she is an elf, she can easily burst out laughing, just like a human. But she still has a good control over her feelings, Ninde often appears serious...But...on the inside she is either screaming, annoyed, angry,happy, and so forth. Other than her sometimes random personality...She can be very quite, and moves with great stealth, like a cat.

Any other details: The main reason why this character is so "young" is because, I believe that, she can be a role model for others, she may appear in her twenties, but she is quite old yet young at the same time.

[Vrael Edoc'sil]

Alright, this is a lot better. Good job. As said in a previous post, Riders are being put on hold for the time being. But for now I'll put you under as Varden, seeing as that's your loyalty.